Flies

 

I never paid attention in science class when I was younger, or I would be able to more fully appraise you of the differences in various species of flies. However, because of experiences in both America and Australia with flies I can share a little information on them.
American flies are generally smarter, or at least, have a different level of intelligence when it comes to their desire to survive the hatred of mankind. Whenever I swat at a fly in America it will tend to buzz away for a few minutes and plan a different mode of attack. However, in Australia, whenever a member of the the fly population discovers a human being he immediately goes after recruits that will perform suicide attacks until their foe has either gone completely mad or escaped into a fly proof building or automobile. They don’t bite. They seem to be perfectly harmless, except that they will continue their attack until they are killed or manage to enter your various bodily openings, such as nose, ear, mouth, etc. They sacrifice themselves by the thousands with just one goal in mind...the insanity of the entire human race within the Continent of Australia, one person at a time. They are slightly faster than the American fly, and according to Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution may be a completely different species, because they are only 93.7 percent the size of their American counterpart, and do not breed, but definitely reproduce by spontaneous generation.

 

It is probable that nothing is entirely bad, and so it is with Australian flies. They have made me, and others, much friendlier. You see, they have created a reflex in most Australians and visitors to the Continent wherein they are constantly waving as they walk or drive down the street. Although it may be assumed that we are merely swatting at flies, if someone waves as they are passing you by, even if you are enclosed within the safety of your car, it is a normal reflex to wave back. It is amazing how many friends Sister Shumway and I have made just because someone thought we were giving them a friendly greeting. I guess it doesn’t hurt to let others think that the grimace on your face is really a friendly smile, rather than a valiant attempt to keep from inhaling those abhorrent creatures and choking to death, and the wave of the hand is a futile effort to make them fly a few extra feet before they return to crawl up your nose.
Some of our good friends who spend most of their day sitting out in the sunshine dreaming of eating another kangaroo have developed the ability of completely ignoring the little monsters. I don’t know how they do it, but I certainly envy them.
When we first came to Australia we were warned to “beware the poisonous spiders and snakes.” We have been here for 15 months and have yet to see a poisonous snake, and the few spiders we have seen were far less ugly than the good old American Black Widow. But no one warned us to “beware the flies.” I will miss the many friends I have waved at, but never spoken too when we leave this beautiful country. I will not miss being able to breath without inhaling the little creatures that surely must be the devil's angels.